Looking for someone who can keep up

Added: Alva Munson - Date: 23.10.2021 01:53 - Views: 19305 - Clicks: 2615

This does not make the friends look very good, obviously, but keeping track of and keeping in touch with alternative romantic prospects is a common thing for humans to do, even if it is rarely in such an exaggerated, sitcommy way. It was inspired by my old days in grad school.

Looking for someone who can keep up

The communication is key here. There are a couple of competing evolutionary imperatives at play when it comes to keeping people on the backburner. On the one hand, it makes a certain primal sense to explore all the potential mates available, to be sure to get the best deal.

But having one long-term partner helps offspring survive, in the rough-and-tumble caveman world often invoked by evolutionary psychology. So commitment provides benefits, in exchange for letting go of other possibilities—the wouldas, the couldas, the shouldas.

According to the investment model of relationships, developed by social psychologist Caryl Rusbult in the s, people who have invested more resources—time, energy, money—into a relationship should be more committed to it, and alternative partners should seem less attractive.

Looking for someone who can keep up

One study found that love motivates people to shut down other options—people who thought and wrote about love for their partners were more able to suppress thoughts about attractive strangers. So, with all this as background, Dibble reasoned that people in committed relationships in his study would keep fewer people on the backburner. He and Michelle Drouin had undergr self-report how many backburners they had, whether they talked to them platonically or were more flirty, and what technology they used to keep in touch with these people.

Those who were currently in relationships also completed assessments of their investment in and commitment to their relationships, and rated how appealing they thought their alternatives were.

Looking for someone who can keep up

The most frequent ways that people kept up with their backburners were through texts and Facebook. Forty-five percent of participants reported texting backburners, 37 percent reported talking to them on Facebook. Thirteen percent of people still picked up the phone and called the person they were stringing along, and piddling percentages of people kept up with backburners throughSkype, or Twitter. What surprised the researchers was that there was no ificant difference between the of backburners kept by people in relationships, and the kept by single people.

In his dissertation at the University of Texas, Austin, Adam Redd West proposed in that the investment model indeed might not apply when it comes to the Internet.

Looking for someone who can keep up

The relative privacy of Facebook makes it easier to keep in minimal contact with backburners. Another thing humans tend to do in relationships is attempt to maximize benefits and minimize costs. That could also explain why people in relationships still kept in touch with backburners online at nearly the same rates as single people. This was a preliminary study—all it really shows is that people keep some of their romantic alternatives on the backburner. This study shows how that behavior plays out today, when people can zing each other notes through a variety of different mediums.

The next steps, Dibble says, are to see exactly what people say to keep others on the backburner and examine the ways those conversations play out. He also wants to refine the definition a little more—if you only check in with someone once a year, are they still a backburner? What happens when someone you considered a backburner starts a new relationship, or gets married? If you could develop a backburner relationship over the short term in the lab, and then take it away, man, that would be really cool. Popular Latest. The Atlantic Crossword. In Subscribe.

Looking for someone who can keep up

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I'm Not too Busy to Date, I'm Just Looking for Someone Who Can Keep Up